


Who You Are

by saltyparabolasholtzmann



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: F/F, Such a slow burn, i don't want to give anything away so...
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-30
Updated: 2016-12-31
Packaged: 2018-09-13 04:19:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9106354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saltyparabolasholtzmann/pseuds/saltyparabolasholtzmann
Summary: They fought Rowan, so everything should be back to "normal".But when Holtzmann gets injured, it's up to Erin to help her back into the real world.





	1. Reveries

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I know this is a short chapter, but I promise there's a lot more in store!

“Wake up. Holtz? Abby! Patty!”

Erin called desperately to her fellow Ghostbusters as she anxiously tried to wake Holtz up. 

The other women rushed over to where Erin was trying her best not to cry. Patty pulled out her phone to call 911 and Abby checked Holtz for a pulse.

“Erin? Hey. Hold on. It’s gonna be alright. It’s Holtzmann.”

“Damn it Abby, she’s not saying anything. She’s not even moving.”

Patty rushed over to let them know the ambulance was on its way, but this did little to calm Erin. After this Times Square incident, they had all planned to go back to the station, order pizza and watch movies all night.

But as she stared at Holtz, her pulse raced faster, trying not to imagine a life without one of the most incredible women she had ever known. Instead, she began to think through the events of the day. First, driving to Times Square. Second, a battle for their lives, and she may or may not have killed a pilgrim. Third, Rowan/Kevin, and the whole falling into a portal and saving Abby...all of that went according to plan. And then they returned to find Holtz unconscious.

Apparently she’d been hit in the head by some flying part of a building while the whole battle was happening.

“Erin. The ambulance is almost here. How about we try and get Holtz sitting up?”

Erin, unable to speak, barely nodded and helped the other women get Holtz into a better position.

It was one of the strangest things she’d ever done. Holtz was lifeless, and despite the fact that they were still in the middle of Manhattan, everything was silent, save her own panicked breathing.

As the ambulance pulled to a stop, two medics rushed out to place Holtz gently on a stretcher, and a frantic discussion began about who should ride with Holtz and who should take the Ecto-1. It was decided that Erin would ride in the ambulance and the other two would follow.

Abby patted Erin’s back. “You sure you’re gonna be alright?”

Swallowing, Erin met Abby’s eyes. 

“Not really, but someone has to be.”

* * *

The drive to the hospital was over quickly, Erin finally letting her tears fall. In doing so, she felt little relief, and all the anxiety from before came rushing back. Without Abby and Patty to comfort her, the drive was lonely, and left her feeling more scared than ever. 

Once they arrived, Holtz was rushed into intensive care, and the three women followed, undeterred by the doctors and nurses trying to keep them out. 

Erin had never liked hospitals, though she felt some relief in the clean, white walls and the order with which everything was happening. Steadying her breathing, she entered the room and fought every urge to run out and away from reality. 

Holtz was family.

Is, Erin corrected herself. Holtz is family. Because she’s alive.

Though, they all had to admit that watching the blonde hooked up to tubes and machines made her look less like a human and more like a robot.

Turning to face the door, Erin couldn’t stand the small room any longer, and she rushed outside into the hallway, Patty close on her heels.

“Baby. Holtzy is gonna be just fine.” Patty pulled the brunette into a warm hug, and Erin felt her shoulders relax just a fraction. They were all here, together. 

She smiled gratefully up at the other woman, and sat down in a chair just outside the door.

It was going to be okay. Holtz would wake up and they could still go back to the station. Glancing down at her watch, Erin was surprised to see it had been barely half an hour since her and Abby had escaped the portal. 

In that time, her entire world had changed. She laughed, but it came out more like a groan. Her life had been changing an awful lot lately. Most of the time, for the better. But she was shaken from her reverie by a shout from Abby.

“Holtz! You’re awake! You’re alive!” All three of them were crying now, unbelieving of what was happening. Erin was reluctant to let her guard down, but seeing Holtz’s eyes again was more powerful than anything she could imagine.

As Holtz’s eyes fluttered open, and she lazily looked around, groaning in pain at even the simplest movements, she focused on Erin and inhaled before speaking.

Erin smiled wide, waiting for the sound of Jillian's voice to really prove this was actually happening.

Holtz spoke. 

“Who are you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what a dramatic start...thanks for reading!!
> 
> if you don't mind, feel free to leave kudos and/or comments below, it makes my day to know I'm doing something right! also, my tumblr is katemcholtzmann, come talk anytime! :p


	2. Questions and Answers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's to a better, kinder, more understanding 2017! 
> 
> Hope you're all having a lovely holiday and here's a new chapter :)

If it were any other time, Erin would have brushed the question off as a joke. 

But looking at Holtz’s face, it was obvious. She didn’t know who Erin was. Or she couldn’t remember.

Before answering Holtz’s question, Erin turned to her friends.

“What am I supposed to say?”

Abby was talking to the doctor, while Patty answered Erin.

“Introduce yourself. You’re Erin, and you’re friends with her. Maybe she’ll remember something.”

Facing Holtz once more, Erin leaned close and barely whispered. 

“I’m Erin. We’re friends. And this is Patty, and the woman talking over there is Abby.”

Holtz appeared dazed, but she took this newfound information in stride.

“Kay. Three friends. That’s all I’ve got?”

Abby chuckled and walked over. 

“We’re your three best friends, to clarify.”

“Ah”, Holtz nodded. “Good news. Mind if I ask another question?”

All three women held their breath, anxious to hear whatever was coming next.

“What am I doing here?”

At this point, the doctor spoke up.

“You were hit in the head by some flying debris, and ended up in the hospital with a concussion and, judging by your questions, likely mild to moderate amnesia.”

Erin turned around and glared with all the ferocity she could muster, and the doctor left to allow the four women some privacy.

“Amnesia?” At this, Holtz’s bottom lip quivered. “That’s what’s going on here?”

Abby and Patty glanced at Erin, who decided to explain.

“Yeah. Do you really not remember anything?” As soon as the words left her mouth, Erin cringed. She did not need Holtz to think of her as an uncaring asshole.

But thankfully, Holtz didn’t seem to mind. She paused, collecting her thoughts.

“I guess not. I mean, I remember basic things like where I am, what a proton is, and that I have a degree in nuclear engineering…” She stopped when she noticed the new hopeful looks on her friends’ faces.

“What?”

Patty spoke up. “If you remember you have a degree then…”

Abby finished the thought. “Maybe you can remember more things!”

But Erin was less sure. “You said you remember basic things...what don’t you remember?”

“Anything personal. Like…” The blonde grew more distressed.

“What’s my name?”

The question broke Erin’s heart. But, for Holtz’s sake, she didn’t show it. 

“Your name is Jillian Holtzmann, and it’s the most beautiful name in the world.”

At this, Holtz smiled for the first time since the accident. Smiled directly at Erin. Not without hesitation, but it signaled hope. 

“It certainly is an interesting name.”

* * *

After filling out a mountain of forms and talking to the doctors, the four women felt better about the situation. Not good, by any means, but better. After talking to a team of doctors and nurses, they had come up with a basic plan. 

They had been reassured that Holtz’s memory loss wasn’t severe, or she wouldn’t have remembered anything. It was moderate, and provided Holtz was re-exposed to aspects of her life (such as the ghostbusters), things would get better quickly.

Erin was able to breathe as she listened to why Holtz hadn’t ended up with complete loss of memory. She ate well, exercised regularly, and was brilliant. According to the hospital staff, Holtz’s injury should have been much worse. 

With that settled, the four women headed back to the station, Abby driving the Ecto-1. Holtz and Erin sat in the back, and Erin withstood a barrage of questions from the engineer. 

“So I came up with all of this?”

“Most of it. You’re our resident engineer, so you’ve built a lot of the technology we use.”

Holtz was more alert now, slowly recalling aspects of her life. Once she had learned her name, other things had fallen into place. So far, she seemed to remember everything up until her work with Abby at the Kenneth P. Higgins Institute. Of course, there were plenty of details she was still without, but the basic structure was there.

Sighing, Erin closed her eyes. So she remembered her childhood, all the way up through college. That was incredible. And from then on, anything personal was a blank slate.

As they parked, Holtz took in the fire station. “We work here?”

Erin laughed. It was a lot to take in. “Work, eat, you basically live here.”

“Wicked.” Holtz tried to jump out of the car, but she was still exhausted and was caught by Erin, who picked the blonde up and carried her inside. 

* * *

It was strange. Not a single one of them had experience dealing with amnesia, and yet here they were, acting as if it was all going to be normal. 

Abby and Patty took to work making the station a little safer, including new smoke alarms, fireproofing materials, and boarding up the fire pole before Holtz could even ask to slide down it.

Meanwhile, Erin took Holtz on a tour.

“Wait. We hunt ghosts?”

Erin turned around, worried that they were going to lose an essential member of their team.

“Yeah…” Entering Holtzmann’s lab, Erin realized the blonde was no longer following, but frozen in place in the doorway.

“I created all this, didn’t I.” It was less of a question and more of a statement.

“Every bit of it.” Before she could stop Holtz, the woman had already begun picking up a proton pack and staring at it in wonder. 

Much to Erin’s surprise, she then carefully returned it to its spot and headed over to her worktable and continued tinkering with a new gadget she had started just a few days earlier. 

“Do you really think that’s...?”

Holtz answered, not looking up from what she was doing. “Erin. I remember this.”

The rest of the night continued in this fashion, with the station much safer than Holtz normally would have liked, but it calmed Erin down considerably to have these precautions.

She walked slowly over to where the engineer was working, and fastened a small bell around her neck. 

Holtz set down her tools and ran her fingers over the bell.

“You have to keep track of me?” She raised an eyebrow at the contraption.

“It’s for your own good, Holtz.”

“Alriiiight.”

The sound made Erin laugh harder than she had all day, and it was a relief. But there was still so far to go. 

She paused, before asking a question she was afraid to know the answer to.

“Do you remember me?”

Jillian glanced up and froze once more, eyes taking in the woman in front of her.

“I’m so sorry. I’m trying.”

Erin felt like a jerk. She shouldn’t have asked, and turned to leave before she could ruin things even more.

“Wait. Please.”

And so she stopped, afraid of what Holtz’s next words would be.

“We were friends, right?”

“Definitely.” Erin wanted to add more, but she wasn’t sure what Holtz was remembering, if anything.

“That’s what I thought.” Satisfied, Holtzmann returned to her work, leaving Erin more confused than before, if that was possible. 

A short while later, Abby and Patty headed home, after making a fuss over Holtz. Erin tried to assure them that everything would be just fine, and that the station would be there in the morning, in one piece.

And then it was just the two of them. This had only happened a couple of times before the accident, and it was never anything interesting, each woman working separately on their research until dawn, when Erin would make coffee before Abby and Patty arrived.

But this time was different. Erin didn’t want to leave the engineer alone, not because she was worried, but because she was afraid that even taking her eyes off the blonde for a moment could lead to something disastrous. Holtz noticed this and gestured towards the ragtag couch in the corner. 

“Stay awhile?”

Grateful for the invitation, Erin stretched out and let the stress of the day wash over her and leave, just like her therapist had told her years ago. Sometime later, Holtz came over and sat next to her, fiddling with the buttons on her jacket.

Without thinking, Erin sat up and gently leaned into Holtz’s side. Her breath caught as she traced the scar on Holtz’s forehead. Unsure of how Holtz would react, she checked to make sure the engineer was alright and, confirming that it was okay, Erin allowed her fingers to explore the woman’s face. 

Holtz, in response, sighed. Times like this where she couldn’t remember what had happened between the two of them distressed her. 

And it had only been a couple of hours. 

Yet, they remained on the couch until dawn, when Erin got up to make coffee.

Like clockwork. 

But different.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> poor Erin and Holtz..this is complicated.
> 
> hope you guys are liking the story so far, and again, many thanks for the kudos/comments, let me know what you wanna read, I'm always looking for new ideas! :)


End file.
